I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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