I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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