I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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