we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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