He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
