just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
