You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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