I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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