Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
