Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
