Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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