the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize