I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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