OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize