he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
