You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
