my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
