god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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