just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
