Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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