singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
