Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
