I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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