I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
