lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My pussy is not your playground.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
