i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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