Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
