She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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