so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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