the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
