***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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