I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
