last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
