I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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