When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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