omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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