You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
