i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
