Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
