i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
