He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
