a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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