doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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