This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
