I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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