the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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