Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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