shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
