I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
