Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
