I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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