from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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