some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
