I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
