you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
