I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
