Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
