I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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