So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
