My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
