So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize