Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
