She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
