So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
