he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
