he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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