A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
