Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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