Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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