before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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