Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
