You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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