Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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