I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
