guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
