Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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