whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
