How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
