I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
