you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
