oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
