he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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