I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
