why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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