walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
