I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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