Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
