God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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