no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
