I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
