So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
