What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Porn is love you can see.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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