No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
