So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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