he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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