Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
