Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did i walk over a car last night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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