If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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