apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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