I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
