But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
