Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
