even my farts smell like vagina
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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